The ornamental fish

All my life I`ve been waiting,
I longed for the spell, that would show me my way.
Holding tight an illusion
that somebody cares for me somewhere someday.

Left my childhood by breaking
this bridge back to sunshine, that lighted my life.
Stormy emotions were shaking
my soul and it tumbled from flying to dive.

Closing my eyes in the flow,
I wanted to let myself go.
Drifting in water and swimming in skies,
my mind made a journey with dream-walking eyes.
So, I walked with my dream-looking eyes through the day
and thought, nevertheless they will show me my way.

When I met you I felt,
that something is wrong.
But the wish to be safe
was incredible, strong.
And although I saw
the violence in you,
I believed that I would
be able to do
all the things that can make you
a partner in love
and I swore to the stars
on heaven above
that I would heal you
if you would safe me
and together like Bonnie and Clyde we could be.

Then my dream-walking eyes couldn`t help me no more.
I went into the net and away from the shore.
Your cold hands they pressed me deep into the dark,
you swam circles around me, just like a shark.

Your circles, they narrowed and my world, it grew small.
I swam in a fishbowl, from glass was the wall.
But nobody saw the wall, except me.
And I, myself were not able to see,
that all my believing`s just were a wish,
cause I were for you an ornamental fish.

So, I swam in my glass and I couldn`t get out.
And nobody outside, could hear me shout.

The years, they went by
and I had resigned
myself to the fishbowl
and I hid my mind.

But the current was changing, it flowed towards the shore
and the fishbowl, it stuck, didn`t move any more.

And the shark couldn`t swim around and around
and he started to think about what he had found.

That life is merciless when we must go,
repeating itself like a glamorous show.
Then he lay himself down and he had to give free
his immortal soul
to eternity.
But the shark stays alive in dreams like a ghost
and visits from there, them he loves most.

Then the fishbowl fell over and opened the way
to swim into the see and at first all was grey.
The grey that is black and the grey that is white,
in it all the people with every day`s fight.

The view became clearer, the sounds became loud,
the ornamental fish was swimming about.
It looked all around, could not see a face,
it felt all alone and searched for a place.

A place to remember, a place to forget,
a place for free living
and far from a net.
And in this new life, grew a great wish:
Never more I will live like an ornamental fish.

The scales became feathers,
the fins became wings.
A new-born bird rose up,
believing all things,
what the yearning for live
to sad people brings.

It was
closing its eyes in the flow
and wanted to let itself go.
It drifted in music and flew through the sky,
its mind made a journey with dream-walking eye.
So, it walked with its dream-looking eyes through the day
and thought, nevertheless they will show it the way.

And the bird was a woman, the woman am I.
In that time, when I met you, my soul it could fly.
And I showed to the world a glorious change,
thought that I would be free, that feeling was strange.

Played my game like a clown,
played for you and for me,
created my world as I wished, it would be.

As a clown I performed a glamorous show.
Outside I was strong and resisted to know
that the feeling of freedom was part of the game.
To make the game real, life gave it a frame.
The frame was my love to you, felt me at home
but that was a fallacy, I was alone.

Because I loved you and you didn`t love me.
I believed promises. I couldn`t see.
That even the stars on heaven above
are unable to create any love.

My love was my destiny and was my task.
I opened my soul, but you wore a mask.

And I closed my eyes in the flow,
full of confidence I let me go.
And so, felt me like up in the sky,
made a journey with dream-walking eye.
I walked with this love-looking eyes through the day
and threw piece for piece
 all my armour away.

So, the arrow that came out of nowhere
could hit me deep inside so sneaky and cruel.
And the pain was so hard, that it threw me
deep into a life without any rule.

The world it got dark, I was speechless,
my spirit was lost in a cloud without sound.
Diving in darkness, in pieces
without any sky and without any ground.

It tore me apart into pieces
from heartache and weakness,
from silence and cry.
My faith broke away, I was falling
down into a hole
and the ground was a lie.

But I took a new start and forgave you.
You said, that means so much to you.
From that time, I saw your reflection
and I felt that your words are not true.

And even my mind told me: Stop!
My heart didn`t want to give up.
Deep in me broke out the war.
I couldn’t talk nice anymore.

The words that I told you, are lost in the dark.
But because I spoke them YOU became a shark.
Your anger, it hit me, when I tried to see,
that you`re not the One, that I thought you would be.

At that time, I lost any illusion,
I felt strange in myself and strange in each day.
Numb like a fish, full confusion.
Gone every feeling to find any way.

Crawled through the days like a dream-walking clown,
all what I did was unreal.
I couldn`t allow me to feel.
No longer power to make my game real.

My thoughts went in circles, my mouth could not speak
and my mind was dark, my body was weak.
And the air, it was muddy, black shapes all around,
and everything lost, what I thought, that I`d found.
Your lies grew around me, they tried to begin
get in me and eat all my meat, all my skin.

Not able to breathe and not able to fight.
My life at its end and even the light
didn`t get through.
In my soul there was night.

Then my heart started weeping and tears made from blood,
they washed lies and the darkness away.
The wind changed and captured the shadows,
it changed them from black into grey.

I left my hiding place and started looking for myself.

Stood outside and saw, I was living.
Observed me,
not able for giving
my heart to the mirror that showed me the way.

The air, it got quiet,
the time, it stood still.
I walked through the mirror-
and stood on a hill.
Was alone with my fear and I saw, it was me,
was a part of myself like the root of a tree.

And it changed to my friend
and it turned me around.
Found me inside myself
with my feet on the ground.

Rose my eyes up around,
saw the land, saw the see.
I opened my arms and the wind
it was me.

Now I open my eyes in the flow,
don`t need to let myself go.
Live with the day and live with the night,
my mind makes a journey, it`s able to fight.
So, I walk with a smile in my eyes through the day
and know, now I`m safe and I`ll go my way.

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